Of Things Left Unsaid
by Nukes N Noodles
Summary: Isabela, Varric, and lots of alcohol attempt to give Anna Hawke the confidence she needs to confess her feelings to Merrill. (F)Hawke/Merrill fluff.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Welcome to my second attempt at writing Dragon Age fanfiction. I did not like the way my first attempt was coming along, therefore I removed it. Fingers crossed the second time's the charm! And before anybody points it out, yes, I know that there is already tons of (f)Hawke/Merrill stuff out there. But they're my absolute favorite pairing and I just wanted to contribute to the pile as I think there should be tons and tons more. Seriously, they are both super duper sweet together. Anyway, hope you enjoy this here tale and please review if you feel so inclined. Constructive criticism is always welcome._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful world of Dragon Age and its characters. All ownership is that of the Great and Mighty Bioware._

"Ten sovereigns says she chickens out again," Varric said, propping his feet up on the table.

"Raise it to twenty and I'm in," responded the Pirate Queen of the Eastern Seas.

"You've got yourself a deal, Rivaini." Varric leaned forward and the pair shook hands.

Anna Hawke looked up from the bottom of her half empty mug, raising a suspicious eyebrow towards the two rogues.

"And just who's miserable life are the two of you betting on this time?" the ebony haired mage asked, tearing her attention away from her drink.

"Why your miserable life, sweet thing," Isabela said cheerily, much to Hawke's annoyment. "Varric here doesn't think you've the balls to confess your undying love to Kitten." Hawke could feel a distinct crimson blush begin to burn in her cheeks.

"Varric!" she hissed across the table, as if worried the petite Dalish girl were right beside her. "I thought that was between the two of us!" Varric raised his hands in mock defense.

"Gotta give the people what they ask for, Hawke." He nodded towards Isabela, who was currently busy chatting up the serving girl as she topped off their drinks.

Hawke sighed bitterly, taking an equally bitter gulp of whatever liquid the waitress had poured into her mug.

"Relax, Hawke," Varric began as Isabela turned to face them again. "It's not like we'd outright tell Daisy how you feel about her. Right, Rivaini?"

"Me? Divulge private information? Never," she said a little too sarcastically for Hawke's liking. "Although, I may have to step in for you if you don't make a move soon," she added quickly before downing a shot. Hawke choked on her drink and began to cough.

"Isabela! You wouldn't!" she sputtered wide eyed and in between coughs as Varric slapped her on the back.

"I might just have to, sweet thing," the bronze skinned pirate said with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You're both so shy and awkward it's painful to watch. Not to mention sickeningly adorable."

"What do you mean both?" Hawke asked slowly, a funny feeling building in her chest. "Does she-? Do you think-?" She stopped herself, realizing she wasn't making sense and took a deep breath.

"Aww, you're cute when you're confused." Isabela reached forward and pinched Hawke's cheek as she tried to swat her hand away.

"Daisy does sort of worship you, Hawke," Varric finally chimed in. "In fact, I'm willing to bet fifty silvers she's got a tiny shrine to you somewhere in her house. Probably behind that giant mirror."

"Maybe you should go over there and have a look around. Among other things..." Isabela added, arching a suggestive eyebrow. Hawke thought over their words, sipping at her drink. Did the dwarven storyteller's words hold truth? Did the young blood mage really worship her? Could she? And, if so, did she do so in a romantic way?

Unfortunately for Hawke, none of these questions could be answered without actually speaking to the woman in question. Again, unfortunately for Hawke, the mere thought of confessing to Merrill how she truly felt made her want to run out to the Wounded Coast and bury herself in sand.

Realizing that both Varric and Isabela were staring at her, Hawke quickly calmed her nerves and reigned in her thoughts. Chugging down what was left of her drink, she shook her head as the burning alcohol made its way down her throat and stood up from the table.

"I think..." She paused, having stood up far too quickly. "I need to have a chat with Merrill," she said, just a bit slurred.

"I think you need to sober up first. You and alcohol...Well, let's just say the results tend to be disastrous," Varric said, reaching up to place a hand on Hawke's shoulder so as to push her back down. "I don't think Daisy will be any more eager to open to you if you're drunk off your ass."

"Hold on, Varric." Isabela held up a hand to stall her fellow rogue. "The booze might just give her the confidence boost she so desperately needs."

"I can handle my drink just fine, thank you" Hawke retorted, pointing somewhat unsteadily at the dwarf and then at Isabela. "And I'm already charming as can be. Watch this." She gave a passing waitress a lopsided half smile of sorts causing the girl to greatly increase her pace to back behind the bar. "Wasn't my type anyway," Hawke said slightly louder than necessary as Varric began to chuckle lightly.

"But Kitten is, so get going," Isabela urged, giving Hawke a light push on the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, 'Bela. I'm going, I'm going." She began making her way towards the exit, using the various chairs and people she bumped into as supports.

Varric watched her practically tumble out the door of the Hanged Man before turning back to his drink, shaking his head and sighing into his mug. "What have we done, Rivaini?"

Isabela gave him a wry smirk and downed another shot.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: _And here it is! Chapter two! I am ashamed at how long this took me. But none the less, I hope you enjoy and I hope you can forgive any mispellings or missed indentations as I was up very late working on this. Once again, feel free to leave me a review (a civil review, that is) telling me what you thought. I'm always looking for feedback. Enjoy!_

Hawke descended the steps into the elven alienage, or at least, she hoped she had. For all she knew she could be passed out in some Lowtown side alley slowly drowning in her own vomit. _Speaking of vomit_...she thought as a burning sensation began to creep up her throat. Hawke bolted to the ledge overlooking the docks and began to hurl. _Ok_ , she thought, grabbing onto one of the many spikes protruding from the ledge. _This might have been a mistake_. As she turned, Hawke noticed that a group of elves were staring quite scornfully at her. It was also at this moment that Hawke noticed that there were streamers hung on some of the houses and apartments and what appeared to be a makeshift orchestra sitting on a raised wooden platform directly underneath the large tree in the center of the square. If there had been music playing, it had ceased as all attention was now on the strange human woman who had materialized seemingly out of thin air, waltzed into the middle of their celebration, and thrown up. A sweat began to form on Hawke's brow despite the chilly air as her mind raced to come up with something to say. Just when all hope of a plausible excuse seemed lost, the lilting voice of the very woman she had come to speak to called out her name.

"Hawke?" Merrill stood at the bottom of the steps wearing a puzzled look and carrying a basket of groceries.

"Oh, hey Merrill. I was just uh...introducing myself to your neighbors," she said slowly and began making her way over to the man nearest her. "Hi there. I'm Hawke." She extended her arm and gave him a friendly smile, neither of which the elf returned. "So I guess you're not much of a hand shaker, huh?"

"Merrill," the stern faced man said, glancing over Hawke's shoulder. "You know this shem?"

"Yes, Hahren. She's one of my friends. She was the one who spoke to you about finding me a place to stay."

"Then perhaps you'd best take her inside before she...disrupts anything else."

"Yes, let's do that," Hawke chimed in. Merrill gave the Hahren a nod before moving to her door and motioning Hawke to follow her.

"Here, let me carry those," Hawke said, reaching out to take the basket of groceries.

Merrill gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you, Hawke." She turned her key and pushed the splintered wooden door open.

"You can just place those on the table back there," Merrill said, following Hawke inside and shutting the door.

"It's good to see you've actually spent money on food this week and not just books," Hawke teased lightly, placing the basket on the table before taking a seat in front of the hearth.

"See? I told you I could take care of myself. I'm not totally incompetent, you know," Merrill joked as she began to put away her groceries. "Can I get you something to drink?" the elf offered but continued before Hawke could respond. "I only have water, I'm afraid. And even then I don't really think you'd want to drink that as I'm pretty sure something recently died in the well...and I think I'm rambling again so I think I'll just stop talking now."

"Oh, I don't mind," Hawke said, striking a match and tossing it into the fireplace. She figured it was best not to try and cast any spells given her current tippsiness. "I think you're adorable when you're flustered." The words left Hawke's mouth before she could stop them. She quickly changed subjects, focusing instead on what sounded like quite the party going on outside.

"So, uh, what's going on around here? Some kind of elven holiday, is it?"

"They're celebrating the first day of winter. I think it's a city elf tradition because we never celebrated it in my clan," she finished, seating herself beside Hawke on the sofa.

"Is that why you're not out there with them?"

"No. It's more to do with the fact that most people around here avoid me," Merrill stated calmly. "Also, I've never been to a party before. I wouldn't know what to do with myself, anyway."

"Well that can't be right," Hawke said plainly. "I can't imagine anyone more loveable than you." Again, the words left her mouth before she could stop herself. A flush rose in Merrill's cheeks and she looked away, fiddling with a loose thread in her raggedy couch.

"S-so, umm," she stuttered, momentarily beyond words. "Why are you here today, exactly? Not that I don't want you here," she hurriedly added. "I mean, I'm always glad when you visit me, Hawke. I'm just curious."

Hawke considered simply being honest with Merrill; explaining to the woman exactly why she was there and how she felt. Then again, Hawke wasn't quite keen on putting herself in a situation where her feelings weren't returned. Merrill was her best friend, after all, and this could very well ruin their relationship. Or greatly improve it, depending on how things went.

"Hawke? Hawke?" Merrill's voice pulled her from her musings and she blinked. "Are you alright? You seem a bit...hot."

Hawke raised an eyebrow, about to ask her what she meant when she realized she was blushing. "Oh, I'm fine, Merrill. Just a bit...warm is all," Hawke explained, nervously tugging at her shirt collar. "And to answer your question, I came here to..." She paused, unsure of what to say next. Merrill watched her patiently, staring at her with those huge green orbs and Hawke had to remember to breathe. "Oh, fuck it." She reached forward and cupped Merrill's face in her hands, pulling her closer. The elf's surprise turned to a small muffle as their lips met. Her hands roamed up and down Hawke's back as their kiss rapidly grew more passionate. A tiny involuntary whimper escaped Merrill's throat as Hawke pulled away, apologizing profusely.

"I am so sorry, Merrill! I shouldn't have done that." Hawke stood up and made for the door. "I should just go."

"Wait," Merrill stood up and lightly grabbed Hawke's wrist. Hawke easily could have freed her hand, but the elf's touch made her freeze in place. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. I- I think."

Hawke didn't turn around, not wanting to meet Merrill's gaze. "I...I kissed you and I shouldn't have."

"Oh." Merrill was silent for a few moments. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why shouldn't you have kissed me?"

"Because...you didn't say I could," Hawke said, rubbing at the back of her neck uncomfortably before adding, "And also I'm a bit drunk."

"Oh," Merrill said again softly, wringing her hands together. She shifted a little and Hawke decided to take this moment to leave. "So...so it didn't mean anything, then." Hawke swore she heard something in the other woman's voice. Something that sounded like...disappointment?

 _Oh, Maker, why did I have to be such a fool_? Hawke took a deep breath and finally turned to face Merrill.

"Merrill, the reason I came here today was...was to tell you how I feel. About you." She reached down and took Merrill's hands in her own, fighting back the growing urge to barrel out the door and sprint all the way back to Hightown. "I really like you. More than as just a friend. And this isn't at all how I imagined telling you, but you can blame Isabela and Varric for that as well as my own stupidity." Merrill simply stood there as she continued with her confession. "I...I care about you, Merrill. More than you know."

"Hawke, I-" Hawke held up a hand and cut her off. She wasn't finished yet.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way, Merrill. Especially about a human, let alone a woman. It's best if I just leave." She released the Dalish girl's hands, letting them fall to her sides and turned back towards the door.

"Hawke, wait. Please." Merrill took a few tentative steps forward. "I do."

"You do what?" Hawke asked quietly, her heart pounding in her ears.

"I do feel the same way about you. I...I like you more than as just a friend, too. And I don't care that you're a human or a woman." Hawke turned around and met Merrill's gaze, once again having to remember to breathe as she saw the serious expression in her eyes. "Don't leave, Hawke. Stay, please." Merrill took another step forward and softly grasped Hawke's hands. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the human's lips that sent shivers down her spine.

"Anna," Hawke breathed as they pulled apart from their second embrace of the evening. She proceeded to elaborate when Merrill tilted her head and gave her a quizzical look. "It's my first name. I figured if...well, if we're together now, then you should know my name."

"T- together? Are we...courting now?" Merrill asked timidly.

"Is that something you want?"

Slowly, Merrill nodded, biting her lower lip. A grin broke out across Hawke's face and she pulled Merrill closer, nuzzling her nose. "Then yes. We're together. You and me. Me and you." Merrill buried her face in Hawke's neck, giggling sweetly before pulling back after a few moments.

"I've dreamt about this for so long, Haw- Anna. It's almost hard to believe this is really happening. I mean, I feel like I'll wake up any-" Hawke pressed a finger to the elf's lips, effectively silencing her.

"It's no dream, Merrill. I promise." Hawke cupped Merrill's cheek in her palm and kissed her tenderly.

"Shall we visit the Hanged Man, then?" Merrill suggested after their kiss ended. "Give everyone the good news?"

"If by everyone, you mean Varric and Isabela, then yes. After all, I'm sure Varric will just be jumping with joy when we tell him."

The human and the elf locked hands as they exited the shabby apartment, both completely unaware and undisturbed by the stares and whispers that were thrown their way. For nothing else mattered in that moment as the sun made it's descent over Kirkwall and the surrounding mountains. For they had eachother.

P.S _A quick thank you to anyone who took time out of their day to view my oh so mediocre work and to anyone who may do so in the future. Thanks peeps! It means a lot to me!_


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